The marriage relationship is a strategic relationship. Unlike other types of family relationships where you do not chose who is related to you in one way or the other, in marriage you determine the one you build a family with.
As it were it is like laying a foundation for other family relationships to spring from.
Your marriage is so important and it is a foundation that can determine how successful you will be; a stable marriage helps in achieving one’s purpose in life as well as shaping the offspring’s for life.
God depends on us to mentor the next generation starting from our children.
Ever before a child can make his/her choice in life, the parents are responsible for making choices on his/her behalf.
I will like to start from the issue of parents as individuals that greatly influence the development of their children and then we will see how the type of marriage they have will also affect their children.
As individuals, our Character types have a great impact on our children. So we need to know what category we belong to. Studies have proved that there are four character groups: Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic and Melancholy. It is important for us to know so we can work on the weaknesses and harness the strengths.
For instance a Choleric Father or Mother should try to be less over bearing so that the children’s self-esteem is not crushed.
A Melancholic Father may need to be more outspoken especially when dealing with children who tend to be hyper active. Melancholies tend to withdraw to their shell but a parent cannot do this all the time and be successful.
When it comes to stable marital relationships, it is interesting to note the following:
- Man is like a digital being. It is as though the human mind or the soul has the characteristics of a technological gadget.
There are messages you pass across to someone without speaking a word.
The power of intuition is so great yet it cannot be explained.
What am I trying to say; As parents our non- verbal communication as well as messages we transmit via human wifi or Bluetooth all play a part in shaping our children.
2. Children learn by example. In Titus 2 v 3-4 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
We see here that women are natural teachers. You teach using different training tools
- Sharing experiences
- By your mannerisms alone you are teaching your children something.
Your attitude, emotions and reactions are imbibed by your children. Children who come from homes where the parents have a fairly stable relationship are usually more settled in life.
3. Parents should speak with one voice.
4. Stability in marriage
- Reaffirms the child and boosts his self confidence
- If there is instability, the children can become anxious and their academic performance may fall, begin to bed wet, or go into vices such as drinking, smoking or other things in order to deal with their emotions.
- Where there is abuse in a marriage, the child will tend to be abusive when he or she grows up
- When parents fight or disagree openly in front of the children, it makes the children feel vulnerable, insecure or guilty, thinking they might have caused the issue of disagreement.
What we see often are individual parents doing their best for their children. Beyond this we need to present a united front so that our children will feel secure.
- As much as possible work on your relationship and avoid outbursts in front of the children.
- Do not report your husband or wife to your children
- Do not expose the weaknesses of your spouse to the children in order to gain their support.
- Show open affection to your spouse; it is a good lesson for the children to learn
- Children should not know who owns what money in the family
- Each parent has something to offer for balance to exist in their children’s lives.
*Father figure is important as well as a mothers love.
- Love should be balanced with discipline.
- Parents should try to fulfill their responsibility of time and care and not make up with gifts.
Dysfunctional marriages make children have bad attitudes, bad conduct or seek attention through negative behavior. They may also become overly fearful.
Do not pursue money or ambition, to the detriment of your family.
Divorced or separated parents need to have a female or male figure that will fill the gap.
Nutrition is also important for healthy growth of children.
***Your labor of love over your family will be rewarded in Jesus name. God bless you